He Calls It Satire... I Call It Malign

At War At Home

27 March 2009

Published in HK Magazine

The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher.

Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.

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Wikipedia

To Kit (born August 17, 1958) is the pseudonym of Chip Tsao, a Hong Kong-based columnist-broadcaster and published books author. As a broadcaster, he is famous for his wry sense of humor and sarcasm. His writings abound with metaphors, and his best works are notable for their poetical quality.

Earth Hour

On Saturday, March 28, 8-9pm, Shifting Sands will join millions of people worlwide in flicking the switch, turning appliances off stand-by and enjoying an hour of quiet darkness. Earth Hour shows that, together, our small actions can make a difference to global warming.

Driver: "It's Just A Bird, Anyway..."

Here his wife is injured and the condition is very appalling. She got hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.

Here he brings her food and attends her with love and compassion.

He brings her food again but finds her dead. He tries to move her... a rarely-seen effort for swallows!

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cries with adoring love.

He stands beside her and screams, saddened by her death.

Finally, aware that she would never return to him, he stands beside her body with sadness and sorrow.


And most of us think animals don't have feelings...

Francis Magalona, 44

Rapper-TV host Francis Magalona died Friday at the Medical City in Pasig City, his co-hosts at the GMA Network’s noontime show “Eat Bulaga” said. He was 44.

Magalona succumbed to multiple organ failure “secondary to severe sepsis and secondary to pneumonia,” according to a hospital source. He passed away at 12 noon, said Philippine Daily Inquirer sources.

In his final blog entry written on January 14, 2009, he addressed fans and requested their prayers.

“I look forward to the pain as I know my journey is on full speed ahead. I will not be bold to say that without asking a favor from you all. PLEASE PRAY for me as I undergo treatment. Your prayers, as always, have sustained me. And am sure the Lord will listen to all our prayers. To His will I submit myself.”

An Ilonggo
As a biography, Francis Magalona was born on October 4, 1964. His birth name was Francis Michael Durango Magalona and he was one of nine siblings. His parents, Pancho Magalona and Tita Duran, were both Philippine movie screen legends and his grandfather was Senator Enrique Magalona.

Random Things About Me

I have been tagged by Odette, (A View From Above) and I promised her to make up a list of random things about me. So here they are:

1. Random Habit: I bite my lower lip. I usually do this when I am nervous or thinking deeply about something I am trying to figure out or listening keenly to somebody talking to me. Strangers mistakenly confuse it as a “turn on” or "flirting" lip language thing… whatever that is. Well, I have to start pouting then, and let them figure out what that means.

2. Random Fact: I am a sleepyhead. Inside a moving bus, car, airplane, terminals, park bench, a friend’s shoulder, etc. Give me a nice place to lean my head on… and I will just doze off.

3. Random Fact: I hate garlic. The smell really makes me sick! Hey! I think my family tree needs a little pruning. I could be the mutant Transylvanian variety.

4. Random Fact: I love cigarettes. They keep me company when I am alone, after every meal, while doing write-ups or catching up a work deadline.

5. Random Fact: I am a fitness freak. I had a set of dumbbells and a bench when I was in college. I was a member of a swimming team too. Now that I can afford to pay gym membership, I keep up a regular workout program for my “baby” and me. It is really fun!

6. Random Dream: To be so damn wealthy and be a philanthropist! Beat that Bill and Melinda Gates!

7. Random Wish: To die for a good cause. It is a strange feeling. But dying to save somebody’s life seems to be the greatest of all deeds to me. Or dying to save humanity perhaps would be my own way of paying back God for the life He has given me. I heard stories of dying people donating their insides for the sick and brave men going to war leaving their families behind to serve God and country. I admire them. I admire brave people.

8. Random Fact: I am a hopeless romantic or at least, I am getting there. Do I need to explain that?

9. Random Fact: I am (sort of) ambidextrous. Writes with my right, cuts with my left, paints with my left, punches with both, swings both ways, etc., whew! Love it!

10. Random Fact: I had my first accident when I was six years old. I saw my nanny going out of our main gate to buy something at a store across the street. I ran after her but got hit by a speeding jeep when I was about to cross the street. I woke up in the hospital a few days later. The driver ran away never to be seen again. My nanny is still working with us up to now – as our cook.

11. Random Fact: This tagging thing is driving me nuts! Can I just settle for eleven instead of twenty Odette!

The Age of Responsibility

Growing up was fun especially during our teenage years. To parents, this was the dreaded period of peril as they sleeplessly and nervously watched their children grew up becoming young adults. Their demands for more freedom and breathing space to express their individuality piled on rapidly within the next seven years or so. However, to a teenager, the party was just about to begin. And by that, I meant beer, booze and brandy.

During my teenage years, my country (Philippines) was under Martial Law. Minors below the age of twenty-one caught under the influence of alcohol faced long-term imprisonment and hard labor. So my cohorts and I considered ourselves “late bloomers” as the dreadful situation during our time put our adrenalin “shots” within a certain threshold. We never felt the kind of rush like the new wave kids are going through right now. Nevertheless, it was not something to feel sorry.

The topic of the talk show I was watching last night wrapped around the legal drinking age. Lately, a petition was filed in the US requesting the drinking age be lowered to 18. The issue triggered an outpouring of emotions from parents, as they have to deal with another problem in addition to the mounting case of premarital sex, teenage pregnancy and drugs.

The legal drinking age around the world ranged between zero to twenty-one. The US National Minimum Drinking Act in 1984 dictated twenty-one as the legal age for its citizen to consume alcohol. And for that, United States uniquely was the highest in the world, closely followed by Japan and South Korea. Countries with no MDA (Minimum Drinking Age) like China, Thailand and Vietnam ranked bottom.

Why the unusual high drinking age? Advocates of the current law believed the earlier the teenager started drinking alcohol the more likely he became alcoholic later in life. Another reason was, the law does not want teenagers to obtain their driver’s license the same time they were allowed to drink alcohol. They thought the newly found freedoms do not mix. There may be a grain of truth to this. But that did not explain the high rate of alcohol related misdemeanor American teenagers committed before they reached twelfth grade. Was it because teenagers were not allowed to legally drink, that is why they did it in secret? If Americans were worried about alcohol related accidents then which should come first? Driving age or drinking age?

From this perspective, it seemed the Drinking Act sowed more harm than good in the last two decades. Setting the legal age to 21 made criminals out of the overwhelming majority and enforcing the law until everyone gave in was pointless. Lowering the age to 18 will not even do wonders either.

It is time for a new approach, a new line of attack. I think it should start with a new attitude towards drinking alcohol. If teenagers are allowed to drink, they should do it with adult supervision to avoid excess. Just like teaching them how to drive a car before giving them a license. European teenagers’ first encounter with a glass of wine is at the dinner table under the watchful eye of their parents, not at a binge drink - promoting frat party. Responsibility is one of the key aspects in successfully implementing the law.

After the lifting of Martial Law, the Philippines saw a new beginning. Finally, patience paid off. It called for a celebration. It was then that I had my first mug of icy cold draft beer at Shakey’s – at 20 years old.